Focus group scene script

(Vlad enters on the phone, he is a snobby business man trying to market his products to an easy audience)

(Throughout the scene, every time somebody says something negative Vlad has the power to pause the scene and tell the audience how he is now going to insult them)

(Each character will begin by introducing themselves with a profile speech on who they are and why they are here) 

Vlad:  Yeah mate, im tryna sell some of these knock of products we still have in the office. Ay! Ive got the perfect set of ladies for this focus group, the dumbest you can get! Got a couple of feisty ones in there but i can handle it no problem!

(4 women on different levels around the table - 2 of the women are 'bimbo's' inspired by Joey Essex. The other 2 women are the more nerdy type)

Anna Maria: OH MY GOD!!! BABE, WE'RE ON CAMERA!!

Amber: I know babe, alright mum! (Waving to camera and fixing her appearance)

Vlad: Right ladies, the first of these amazing beauty products is the gorgeous Katy price boobs! Would you rather these bad boys or an anorexic boob job...?

(Standing on the table is a model with oversized breasts)

Anna Maria: O-M-G...!

Amber: Oh my god, i love it!

Vlad: This is what i like to hear! And you ladies? (Gesturing to the other two nerdy girls)

Daisy: How specifically does this work? I once read a truly factual article about the posture of women and their breast size affecting this...

Thaliqua: Yes that's right! By looking at the circumference of these on this model i believe its not - 

Vlad: Ladies, ladies... your getting carried away! How about you feast your eyes on the ompa lompa spray tan! A gorgeous sun kissed glow that lasts all year round you could be mistaken as a tropical goddess! Would you rather the ompa lompa spray tan or to look like an irish albino?

(A model stands on the table with bright orange skin)

Amber: Babe, this is what i was telling you about! All my mates use this tan stuff and they look amazing! Have you got any samples?

Anna Maria: Oooooh i love a sample i do!

(Vlad hands over the tanning lotion and the girls begin to smother their faces in it, not realising its orange paint) 

Thaliqua: I could see how this works.. You see, when the sun uses its rays it doesn't produce a dark enough tan as quickly as this would... 

Daisy: No! This stuff has acid particles in it, it could burn off the natural layers of skin...

(Vlad puts his finger up to Daisy's mouth getting her to stop talking)

Vlad: Shhh ladies, now im pretty sure you'd love to have illuminated smooth skin as suppose to 90 year old eroded skin?

Amber: Oh yeah, when my nan died her skin was like...

Anna Maria: Nasty and stuff right?!

Amber: Yeah thats it! I dont wanna look like that when im dead babe, i wanna look like im on that show... oh what's it! Ten years younger.

Daisy: But i don't see how this can change the radiance of your skin. Surely this is a con.

Thaliqua: Hmmm, I have heard the celebrities using this now a days... I could give it a try once i read through the ingredients.

Vlad: Well it that doesn't tickle  your fancy... How about the brazillian wax! Would you rather the smooth and beach body ready wax or the caveman look? 

(A model with an afro in their private area)

Anna Maria: Unquestionable.. Defo the brazillian wax!

Amber: Love it!

Daisy: Now you see, the problem with having such a close wax to your private areas is...

Vlad: OK! Too much info i think there love.

Thaliqua: Nobody likes the caveman... So i suppose if i had to choose....

Vlad: You would choose the brazillian wax wouldn't you! Yeah course you would. Moving on... Ladies this is the last of the amazing products i have in store for you to take away today, at the very little price of £19.99 (smiling at camera, selling product) we have the rip a boys heart out nails because im sure you'd much rather these than to be no nail nancy!

(A model stands on the table to extra long pointed nails)

Amber: Ewwww, i mean who would want to have no nails!

Anna Maria: I get my acrylics done every two weeks and ive never been able to rip a boys heart out. Im sure these ones will work! I love em!

Daisy: You see the problem with having no nails means you can pick up bacteria from many different areas and infect the entire finger,, this can lead to -

Thaliqua: We get it, i mean its also equally as bad to have ridiculously long nails as these can cause harm to others...

Vlad: We don't call them rip a boys heart out nails for no reason!

(A summary of the focus groups thoughts are made)

Vlad: On each product i tested on these.. Lovely ladies today 3/4 of them said they would want to use it and we had amazing results! 

Daisy: We didn't agree on all of them!

Vlad: Shh! Therefore i'd like to conclude with the thoughts of the bitchy little non agreeing.... So why don't you like our amazing products?

Daisy: I just didn't think-

Vlad: Exactly! You didn't think did you!

Amber: But we loved them!

(Lights out, the girls screech about how the products are itchy and hurting them)